How I Recovered from My Eating Disorder
From the age of seventeen to twenty-seven I suffered from an eating disorder that ruled my life. During that time it was a constant background static in my mind, that was playing over and between all my thoughts — an acute self-consciousness and self-criticism. A calculus of kilojoules, a dance of self-checking behaviours, restriction and purging — a deep abiding sense of shame and anxiety.
In December 2020, it went away and has not come back. I am fully recovered.
I want to share the story of how this recovery happened, in the hope that it may help others who were suffering like I was.
I’m going to tell the story in several parts as it is quite complex. There were multiple factors that went into my recovery, and they deserve mention and space. I will provide links to resources that I used myself and which helped me.
As I complete every section I will link it to this page as the main directory for any reader who wants to access all the resources.
Part 1. Denial, Delusion and Cognitive Dissonance
How my disorder began and manifested, why I was in denial for so long — and the role of shame in preventing people with eating disorders from seeking help.
Part 2. The Trap of Trying to “Control” My Symptoms
My attempts at “curing myself” without professional help and the role of perfectionism in the maintenance of the disorder.
Part 3. Learning to Trust the Soft Animal of My Body
How therapy and the app Recovery Record helped me to develop intuitive eating.
Part 4. How Ego-Death Cured My Eating Disorder For Good
Getting beyond the ego and realising the true nature of the self — my lightbulb moment.
External Resources:
Getting Started with Finding a Therapist
Recovery Record App (life changing)
The lecture that led to my final realisation
Recovery is possible. It happened to me. It can happen for you.
I believe in you.
Disclaimer: I am not a mental health professional. I am telling my own story in the hopes that it may help others but everyone’s eating disorder is unique to them. When in doubt, reach out to a qualified psychotherapist.
