Trusting the Soft Animal of My Body

How I went from an eating disorder to intuitive eating

Photo by Japheth Mast on Unsplash

This process had become so second-nature to me during the second half of my eating disorder that it was almost subconscious, and for several years I thought I had recovered as much as was possible.

Photo by Hassan Vakil on Unsplash

The pressure expressed itself in me as a recurrence of my eating disorder symptoms and extreme anxiety over the idea of losing my loved ones to COVID, suicide or abandonment.

A crucial part of the therapy was the use of the app Recovery Record. In fact, I believe it was the most useful part of the therapy.

RecoveryRecord is an app that can be used in conjunction with therapy

When I first started using the app I was unable rate my hunger cues before or after the meal. I genuinely couldn’t tell if I was hungry or not.

Some of the questions in the app
Photo by Kari Shea on Unsplash

Eventually, you find yourself eating healthily and naturally WITHOUT forcing yourself.

Photo by Cassie Gallegos on Unsplash

“You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
(…)
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting -
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.” — Mary Oliver, Wild Geese

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Reverie

“The nature of our immortal lives is in the consequences of our words and deeds” — Cloud Atlas