Your loved one didn't die because you failed to do something. It's not your fault. And the universe isn't singling you out for punishment or karmic pain.

Pain is the price we pay for love. It sucks. But if we didn't feel shattering grief and loss, we wouldn't be able to love and feel happiness. They are the two sides of the yin yang.

"What is grief, if not love persevering?"

You will feel happiness again Emily. I know it's hard to realise now, but you will. You have to ride the grief, feel it to the full (including the pessimism and despair) to come out the other side. And there is another side. There will always be another side. It's like a wave. There is a peak and a trough, and another peak and another trough, forever. That's the nature of vibration. And all of existence is a series of vibrations.