Yeah I think the conversation about the orgasm gap often goes down the wrong path. Like, we all agree that shitty sexual partners who don’t care about their partner’s pleasure, suck. And that these people are typically men because it’s easier to orgasm through penetration for people with penises who are typically men.

However, some things that are important to keep in mind:

• Your partner (whether male or female) doesn’t owe you an orgasm, sex should be something that is mutually satisfying but you can enjoy yourself and not orgasm and that’s OK
• Everyone (no matter their gender) should learn to give themselves orgasms if orgasms are something they care about
• Everyone who is interested in partner sex should communicate with their partner/s about what THEY want in sex, what kind of things bring them pleasure etc and be willing to learn/practice alternative methods of giving sexual pleasure other than PiV

All this is much more helpful than mocking men for not “lasting long enough” (something that isn’t their fault). Premature ejaculation is not synonymous with not caring about your partner’s pleasure, and that gets lost in the messaging.