This is very interesting.

I used to have the problem of not initiating as much as my partner either. The reason why I didn't though, was because I have a very high libido, and I am almost ALWAYS up for sex with him. So I told him early on, that this was the case, and that therefore he could feel pretty damn confident that if he asked me, I would be into it.

The reason I didn't initiate as much, was because there were times when I would want to have sex, or do phone sex since we're long distance, and he would say no. And he would feel bad having to turn me down, due to depression or other influences on his libido.

So to avoid the awkwardness and discomfort to us both of having me initiate and him have to say no, I would wait for him to initiate. The problem is, this could sometimes lead to ages going by when he wouldn't initiate, and it would affect my self esteem.

Eventually we talked it out, and he explained it wasn't because he didn't find me attractive anymore, but it was due to various circumstantial factors in our lives as well as depression. We agreed to write down our sexual fantasies when we had them, and share them with each other, so that even if our libidos were mismatched sometimes (like we might not be both in the mood at the same time, or I might be at work when he was able to call me), when he WAS in the mood he would write me the fantasies and read them to me, and I would send him my fantasies also.

We also have gotten into the habit of dirty talk just as a part of conversation, so even if we don't always have time for a full phone sex conversation we are still both letting each other know how much we want each other. It goes a long way to making me feel desired as a woman, it then sparks my naughty fantasies and I have even MORE things to share with him, and so it becomes a wonderful positive feedback loop.