This is so true!

I’ve been feeling very ambivalent these days about whether I want kids or not. Like, I never really wanted them until I met my fiance and suddenly thought “hey, he would be an amazing dad, I would love to see that side of him” and he felt the same way about me, never wanted kids until he met me.

But while children on one level would be lovely, there are so many other factors to consider. I have joint hypermobility, and my partner has Marfan Syndrome. A child of ours might have extreme hypermobility to the point that it causes their quality of life to really suffer! Likewise, my partner has schizophrenia, and that’s inheritable 50% of the time. I would still love a child with disabilities or mental illness, but is it fair to put a child at risk of something that could affect their life so negatively, if I could prevent it?

I also have genetic predisposition to preeclampsia and prolapse so pregnancy could be very dangerous to me.

And then there’s fears about climate change and whether the world in a few decades is one to even bring a child into.

All these factors means the reasons not to have a kid are kind of outweighing the reasons to have one right now, in my mind. (Not for anyone else, but for me).

Luckily my partner also shares my concerns and says it doesn’t matter whether we have kids or not, he’ll be happy with me either way, and I feel the same way.

I also recognise I have plenty of time right now to make these choices. I may change my mind in future, but right now it’s feeling like I’ll probably not have kids. Cause I feel like, as with marriage, you should 100% want it, and if you have any doubts you shouldn’t go ahead.

But yeah when I told my parents a few years ago that I was unsure if I wanted kids my Mum freaked out, and my Dad got really sad, as if I was questioning the validity of parenthood. It’s not about that! Parenthood is wonderful and my childhood was blissful, and if I have kids I would love to raise them the way I was raised, but it may not be for me. And that’s OK.