This is so true!

I had a lot of sexual shame as a teen and young adult, and as a result I developed a kink around certain misogynistic themes. Probably because in those fantasies the woman was “punished” for being “bad”. But as you say, it was “narrow and focused” type of arousal and I didn’t like it. I liked getting off, but I didn’t like that thinking about these things was what turned me on.

Over time I came across a different type of erotica (fan fiction if you’ll believe it) that focused more on graphic sex as a form of love making. And my perspective flipped. I saw how sex wasn’t really dirty or shameful at all, but beautiful. And I started feeling a different type of sexual arousal. Not so much focused just like a laser on the clitoris, like an “itch” but more like a warm pulsing deep inside the womb.

I now much prefer this type of sexual arousal, and it’s the type of sexual pleasure that I get while having actual sex with someone I love. Deep, warm, pulsing throughout my core through my body, endlessly recurring and renewing. I can even get “womb orgasms” without being touched, just hearing my lover tell me a fantasy. Or watching a really well acted and well shot sex scene in a movie, where the characters seem to be really in love and aroused.

Now that I’ve unlocked that side of my arousal, I can still orgasm to the shame based kink, but it’s a pale shadow in comparison to the arousal and pleasure I get from free and loving sex. And given that kind of shame based, shame-reinforcing erotic material makes me feel sick inside anyway, I’m happy to turn away from it. Towards what makes me feel happy in myself instead.

I wonder what would have happened if I’d never been brought up to be afraid of sex, to think it was shameful and disgusting, and had to grapple my way through the feelings of self loathing and guilt for feeling natural desire for something I was led to believe was wrong and dirty. I’m sure I would never have developed the warped kink to begin with.

I’m just glad that I now feel so much joy in sex. And I’m glad you do too.