This is extremely interesting Devon, I think you've opened my mind a bit more about the term asexuality.

I believe I am demisexual, but I felt for years a deep discomfort about being told that because I'm demisexual I must somehow be asexual or on the ace spectrum, because I have a FURIOUSLY high libido. Sexual desire and sexual pleasure is a more important part of my life than most women I know.

The thing is, I don't want to have sex with *other people* unless I know them well and feel some kind of love for them.

If I don't feel that, the idea of having sex with them is just not appealing. I can't imagine myself hooking up in a casual setting with a stranger.

And yet - if I'm in a particular horny mood I can go on a walk and see men and women and nonbinary people, and see the potential for attraction in them. I can see people I find beautiful and go "I want to get to know them better, because they are the kind of person that I could see myself becoming sexually attracted to if I got to know them well" (because not everybody I get to know well and love, will be sexually attractive to me, I have a best friend who is a gay man who I love more than anyone except my partner, but I don't feel any attraction to him).

I am also kinky. I have always had a sadomasochistic kink - but it's not a fetish, in that I can deeply enjoy vanilla sex with someone I love, and I can also feel "demisexual arousal" when reading fanfiction about characters I feel I've come to know well, in love. I can also masturbate to orgasm without even being aroused, and still find it pleasurable, although it's not half as pleasurable as it would be if I was reading kinky erotica or having a kinky fantasy play out in my mind.

But yeah, I guess I may well be on the ace spectrum in terms of my desire to have sex with other people, because of the demisexuality. But my libido is skyhigh, and I love it being that way. I love masturbating and I have a very fulfilling sex life with myself and my fantasies and erotica and porn, despite my soulmate currently being incarcerated.

I wish I could have sex with him, and I can't wait until we can again. But I can go years and years without having sex with anyone else, and be fine in long distance, because I just don't want to have sex with someone else unless I love them in some way. And that has to occur in a particular way.

I have never seen someone write about asexuality with a high libido before, and while I don't have your fetish it made me see how someone could have a very high libido and still be asexual because you're not attracted to other people.

Thank you for your always educational pieces!