There’s a really good book I think you’d maybe enjoy, it’s called So Much For That by Lionel Shriver and it’s about a woman with mesothelioma in the stomach lining, and how she identified with the idea that cancer was an enemy and that it was a battle and she was a perfectionist and she would NEVER GIVE UP and that meant insane denial over what was happening to her, and how only when she could let go of the idea that cancer is a battle and dying from it doesn’t mean you “lost” in that it wasn’t something you could win by doing things “right” — could she make peace with death and live her last days connecting with the things that were important to her. It’s a beautifully written book.