The other interesting point about socialisation is that it intersects with not just things like race, class, culture, sexuality, gender etc but it also intersects with one's family expectations and whether or not you were in an abusive home. We often underplay how much impact parents have on child and teen development in these areas because they are the gatekeepers for what elements of "society" are allowed to influence you.

In my family, we were very isolated from society due to my mother's abusive and controlling behaviour. I didn't have any friends until I was about 10. Except for my brothers. We didn't watch TV, we read books and played outside or with creative materials. I was homeschooled until Year 5. The kind of person I was as a teen was shaped by my mother's expectations that I be the perfect daughter, the perfect academic achiever. And yes I was submissive to her, but not because I was a woman, because I was her child. It was in contrast to that, and the determination to create my empowered self, that I created my goddess self. And the more I expressed myself, even though it was still feminine, the fact it was CREATIVE and different was a sign of rebellion. If you grow up in a household that is ultraconservative, where sex is seen as unspeakable and sexual desire is disgusting and monstrous, where same sex desire is evil - then being proudly oneself (which for me also includes being queer and enjoying sexuality) is the ultimate rebellion.

So breaking out of abuse ultimately made me the empowered person I am today, and perhaps that is also what comes across to people. Because I certainly wasn't always this confident. I became that way over at least 15 years, slowly over time. In some spheres it came sooner than others - for example speaking up in class and having my ideas respected in a class setting came early because it also fed into the perfectionism that was required of me by my abuser. (Such irony given that this very quality that my mother demanded and fostered in me, was also the quality that caused me to think for myself, push back against her conservative and bigoted beliefs, and ultimately break free).

Sometimes what can be seen as "Privilege" (being confident and assertive) is hard-won against the backdrop of an abusive family dynamic. And that's yet another complex intersection between the issues of gender, race, class, sexuality etc. After all, these concepts are constructs, in reality everything is just relationships between individuals and the media they consume, the stories they internalise etc. We try and find patterns between them but there's no universal narrative.