The more I read this blog, the more it gives me complicated feelings. Because the sort of things you write about - feeling Divine Love for example, saying "everything about you tells me you are good", saying "we save each other", saying "you make me feel free" - those are all things I feel about my partner. And I do believe they're true.

But seeing this - it shows that people can feel this, and it can still be wrong. And that's scary. Because I could be wrong too. I don't think I am, but I could be.

I guess the fact that you were feeling that he was still blowing hot and cold, sometimes showing you this love and other times acting like he didn't love you, is a red flag that isn't present in my relationship.

But still. As you wrote here (very well I might add):

"Love is a reckless champion. It makes little girls pick up heavy broadswords to bravely slay dragons in a foreign land. It loosens the shackles which weighted us to doubt. Anytime we embrace Love, we send a message to the universe that no dream is made for a funeral march, and no beauty is meant for goodbye. Love tells us to take risks and live with scandalous passion. Love breeds freedom… then more of itself, so our actions are chosen by what might bring healing and possibility to all."

And that means taking a chance on love is still worth it.

By the way, I've read quite a bit of this blog now and I don't cringe at all. I think that you shouldn't be ashamed of it. Yes you've learned some things that meant your views on things have changed, and that some of the love you had to give was misplaced. But I don't think you should be ashamed of feeling the way you felt. <3

I think that the love you expressed is very beautiful. It's just that you needed to value yourself as much as you valued your ex. If you can love yourself as much, and value yourself as much in a future relationship, you can then express your effusiveness and passion in a safe way.

Thank you for sharing this. It actually touched me the most out of all the things you've ever written.