The following comment is based only on the info provided in this article and could very well be based on flawed assumptions of how it actually went down based on a lack of important context.
According to my reading of this story (which could be flawed):
It was the first time you'd ever had sex. Were you really "partners" at that stage yet? I think it was rude of him to not offer to help, I always offer to help whenever I am a guest somewhere, but I feel like it's a bit much to extrapolate from "first time having sex, the guy doesn't get up and help cook" to "he isn't interested in marriage but expects me to be a good little stay at home wife".
Like, did he ask or expect you to spend six hours preparing meals and desserts? Perhaps he would have been just as happy with takeaway or Uber Eats? Perhaps he thought that the two days you were spending with him not working were as much a break FOR YOU as they were about him? I mean, when my now-partner came to stay with me for a few weeks, the first time we had sex, I did take time off work. And so did he. Because spending time together was something WE BOTH WANTED EQUALLY BADLY and it was exciting and fun and I treated the time as a vacation and planned for it as such. I didn't think "omg I'm being so self sacrificing by not working while my new lover is here", I thought "I'm so glad I can spend extra time with my lover".
Going into a relationship with a self sacrificing attitude and then getting upset because not everyone expects, noticed or appreciated everything you did, isn't necessarily always a sign that it's "their problem", but could also be a sign that you're giving too much without needing to. Someone who loves you won't need you to try so hard to "prove yourself worthy" of being in a relationship. If someone broke up with you cause you didn't spend 6 hours cooking, they're an asshole.
Also regarding asking about the "nitty gritty of someone's everyday job", not everyone has your interest in these things. I don't ask any of my friends about the nitty gritty day to day of their job, unless they have a really unusual job. If they want to tell me - great! I'll be interested! But if I have a friend who is a writer I won't interrogate them about their schedule or how they juggle their time. I didn't do that for my partner when he worked as a Youtuber and security guard, I didn't do that for my brothers or my best friends, or my dad and stepmother. Doesn't mean I don't care about them. I'll ask them what their goals are, I'll ask how their day went, and let them decide how much they what to share.
My partner doesn't ask me about the day to day of my corporate sales job either except in the case of "how was it, how do you feel" kind of thing, I'll volunteer the info sometimes, and he will be super supporting when I do. And he's always very appreciative of my hard work and celebrates my success. But he's not a business-minded person, and that's fine. Corporate strategy would go over his head.
Regarding my art and writing - he always encourages me to write more and whenever I create something he gushes over how "brilliant" he thinks it is. But does he ask me "how did you think of this, what was your ambition in it, how did you decide to structure the paragraphs that way" etc? No. And I don't ask him that about his writing either. We instead discuss the ideas in our writing and debate them.
I'm not offended by that and it's not a reflection of lack of respect for me. We still have a very healthy and loving relationship and I'm very happy in it, and if I followed all of your "dealbreakers" I would have no partner, no friends, and no relationship to family either.
I just feel like this attitude could lead to a lack of sympathy for the inherent flaws that are in every human, no partner will ever be perfect. Sometimes even the most loving partner will be insensitive or oblivious or lacking in appreciation, sometimes YOU will be insensitive, or oblivious or lacking in appreciation. That's human. What matters more is how they react when you talk honestly about the consequences of those behaviours on you.
"I felt underappreciated because I hoped you'd come and help me cook after we'd had sex, and instead I felt ignored when you looked at your phone". "I started doubting myself and my ability as a writer when you teased me about my article".
The response to that matters a lot more than the initial action, if it's not a pattern of behaviour.
