Sorry Phoenix but I completely disagree. I’m sorry you feel this level of shame about your sexuality but you don’t deserve to.

I think you miss the difference between sex as a way to communicate love, and sex as being only about pleasure for you.

Pleasure just for you? Masturbation. Awesome, do it as much as you want, fantasise about whatever the fuck you want, be as selfish as you want, no one is going to get hurt.

Sex with another person? It’s less about them being a human dildo or fleshlight (basically masturbating with their body) and more as a means for intimacy.

I have kinks associated with BDSM too, they’re horrible and I wish I didn’t have them because they’re not what I support or approve of in real life. However that’s my sexuality when I masturbate. The sexuality I have when I’m in love is NOT the same. When I’m in love I’m wildly attracted to my partner in vanilla sex. I stop even thinking about the evil fantasies I have in masturbation. The kinks I have instead transform into something extreme yet loving. I also have transcendent, beautiful, loving experiences.

The point being, sex with someone you love is different from casual sex or masturbation fantasies even if you have a kink that you’re ashamed of.