Something that could help you is a practice called IFS (Internal Family Systems Therapy). It is a way that you can make friends with your "aspects" or "parts". You don't need a therapist, you can do it from a book. My partner who suffers from psychosis, depression, anxiety and derealisation used it and it helped him immeasurably, he has never been as happy as he is now, because all his contradictions are in alignment and reconciled with each other.