One thing I notice and I think it could be a form of self sabotage, is that in almost every single sentence you’re putting yourself down, calling yourself “not that talented, not that interesting, this idea is probably stupid and will fail, I’m such a fuckup". I think it’s going beyond “being real about vulnerability" and into the realm of emotional self-harm. Denigrating yourself to such an extreme degree has to be contributing to how bad you feel.

I hope your endeavours succeed. I think the creative reset is a good idea and you are capable of carrying it out.