Ok so I agree with you that virginity is a social construct and has nothing to do with purity.

But I did wait for someone special and I don’t regret it, indeed I feel it was right for me (not making a call on it being right for others just talking about myself).

Here’s why:

1. I am demisexual which means that while I have a very high libido, I don’t feel attracted to specific people for physical sex unless I have an emotional connection with them
2. I learned to masturbate as a young teenager and have gotten very very good at giving myself pleasure so that I feel fulfilled sexually without a partner. Thus I don’t want to have sex with another person unless the experience will satisfy my demisexuality.
3. Having sex is a vulnerable experience and I don’t want to be used or abused, thus I wanted to feel safe and cared for by the person I had sex with. He was a man who I’d been friends with for years before having feelings, and I knew he cared about me for more than my body and thus I felt safe.

When I finally had sex with a partner for the first time, I knew myself and my body, and I knew him well, and I was able to ask for what I wanted, communicate how I felt, and go after my own pleasure in a context where I felt safe and cared for.

I feel very happy in my own choice to have sex with someone else when I felt ready, with someone I truly wanted, and thus my first time (and the subsequent times) were fantastic.

Again NOT A ONE SIZE FITS ALL STORY. This is just MY story and it worked for me so I wanted to add the perspective that while purity culture is harmful, waiting to have penetrative sex until you feel ready (including waiting to feel safe and loved in a potentially vulnerable situation) is a valid choice that doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with purity culture.

So if young women out there want to wait until they’re in love to have sex? Go for it. You do you. But I highly HIGHLY recommend you learn to become mistress of your own body and enjoy your sexuality by yourself in the meantime because being demisexual doesn’t necessarily mean you don’t have a high libido.