Like I get you’re being all “poly is a choice” but on the other hand your literal subheading is “even if you think you’re not poly, you’re probably still poly”. OK bro.

Look I’ve been involved in polyamory before and I’m not against it but at the same time it actually didn’t end up really serving me? Because at the time what happened was that I was in love with someone, and they were my #1, and I was “one of several” to them, and it definitely felt unbalanced. Even if I am theoretically all for polyamory, and wanted them to be happy, the fact was that I was completely happy with “just them” and didn’t want to seek out other lovers. I was open to organically meeting other people but I wasn’t wanting to seek them out. And so the fact that for me, in my life, I was wanting more undivided love and attention, and when I wasn’t with my partner, I was lonely, whereas when I wasn’t with him, he had 2 other people who could give him love and attention.

No one did anything wrong, it was just inherently unbalanced because one side of the partnership had an overabundance of love and sex, and the other side (me) wasn’t getting enough, simply because he had to divide his time among 3 people and I had only one. And sure I was friends with the metamours but I wasn’t in love with them.

The only way to balance the relationship was for either me to get other lovers (something I didn’t want) or for him to have fewer. That to me is the flaw with polyamory and why I don’t think I’m actually innately polyamory. It’s something I can intellectually support, but do I actually like it? Honestly, so far I prefer monogamy.