It’s so true. People see scheduled sex as killing spontaneity or somehow less meaningful than “waves of passion” but reframing it as “putting aside time to focus on love, intimacy and making each other feel good” is a better way to see it. Because it makes a commitment to prioritise the relationship at those times above everything else. And it doesn’t mean that at other times you can’t have sex spontaneously, in fact the intimacy fostered by scheduled sex can actually increase the likelihood of spontaneous sex happening. :)

Also many people as they get older start to develop “responsive desire” where they only feel desire once sex has started and they become physically aroused. So while they’re almost never going to get spontaneously overcome with desire, they can very easily become filled with desire once the process of foreplay and sex has started. For people like that, scheduled sex is a godsend.

I’m not at an age where that has happened to me yet, but I talked about scheduled sex with my partner (who I still have quite a lot of spontaneous sex with) and he loved the idea, seeing immediately the appeal of “spending time every week to focus on nothing but intimacy with each other”. And as we said, it doesn’t mean that spontaneity can’t exist at other times. ;)