It's interesting comparing this with what you write earlier about your own "long history of toying with guys like that... knowing the exact right things to say to undermine and upbraid them".

I wonder if "negging" is a subconscious way to get people to like you, by exploiting their confidence, due to a lack of self love? In that, you mention you were self hating - and it also is clear your ex was self hating, and you both used negging techniques as a means of flirtation.

Not saying you were in any way abusive like your ex was, he sounds AWFUL especially his drunk side. Very gaslighting. Perhaps trying to do the "intermittent reinforcement" thing that causes people to develop a trauma bond.

That interrogation about whether or not you were trans - that's so disgusting of him. Very disturbing. Let alone the sexual assaults! Fuck. What an awful human being.

And the fact he admitted that he liked women with low self esteem who could be manipulated into liking him - damn. What a psychopath.

It's very strange that three of his exes turned out to be trans. I wonder if he could tell they were? Or if it was subconscious.

I'm so glad that you have developed so much self love and confidence now that he shrinks from it. The best revenge is a life well lived, indeed. I hope all of his exes find the same happiness.

Thank you for sharing your story.