Interesting article that identifies one of the main problems with mainstream Western feminist views. Which is that sexism manifests the same way to all people and that to be seen as feminine in the West is ALWAYS to be seen and treated as lesser than or weaker than.

It's a good point you make about how just because someone is raised a certain gender, you can't necessarily predict much if anything about what their life is like.

I also think that one's internal beliefs about whether one is oppressed or not factors into how people tend to treat you. It's not the only factor but it's A factor. That two-way dialogue between self and other, how you expect to be treated gives subconscious clues to people around you about how it's OK to treat you.

You talk about how before your transition you were seen as female by society, and yet you didn't experience the sexism that your cis friend does.

I too have experienced the same thing in this regard as you. Except I'm not trans. I'm a cis woman, and I also dress and present very femininely, flamboyantly feminine actually (think long dresses in bright colours, flower crowns, lipstick) and I am a very conventionally attractive feminine woman.

I don't get catcalled, disrespected, talked down to. I don't get my views dismissed while similar views by men get championed. I actually get treated with respect, people listen to me, people step aside for me etc. When I went to my boss and said "I know you're paying a male colleague more than me, I perform better than him so I deserve a raise" I got a bigger raise than I even asked for. I have never felt when I walked alone, that I am in danger of being raped by a stranger. I don't feel unsafe in a group of strange men. Etc. All things that most of my female friends can't say about their experience of womanhood.

How much of this is due to my assertive personality? I would say a big part. I spent the last 15 years building up an alter ego that I called my "goddess self" to empower myself and eventually it has become my true self. Or my true ego at least.

Is it possible that I could be attacked, raped, treated badly in the future? For sure. But I don't expect it to happen and I don't live my life with my head over my shoulder in case it happens. And I think that vibe comes across very strongly to people.

(I also think the halo effect plays a role. You mentioned in your earlier writing that you were very conventionally attractive when you presented as a woman, and I am also very conventionally attractive, and pretty privilege is very real, but that's a different topic).

However I disagree with the conclusion you drew about the way you were treated in debate vs your female friend. You said "even though no one would have said I was a man, they subconsciously picked up on it and rewarded me for it". This assumes that assertiveness and confidence is inherently masculine. And that when the feminine gay man was "too hesitant and uncertain" he was being criticised for "not being manly enough". This assumes that hesitancy and uncertainty is inherently feminine. But it's not. When I'm being assertive I'm not subconsciously telling people I'm a man and when I get rewarded for it, I'm not being rewarded for being male. When I don't experience sexism the way my female friends do, it's not because people don't see me as feminine.

When I was a child I also didn't care about feminine or masculine stereotypes. I was a real tomboy until the age of about 12. I was even mistaken for a boy. All my favourite characters were male.

The reason I enjoy flamboyant female fashion and enjoy presenting as female rather than nonbinary or male is because to me femininity in this society allows for the most flamboyant "peacocking" of artistry and self expression. Women are expected to be more dramatic, more colourful, more effusive, more artistic. And since I am by nature a dramatic, colourful, artistic, effusive person, all the images of the way I want to present are female (or drag queens). And that's why I stopped being a tomboy and started being a flamboyant nature goddess. :D

But confidence and a commanding presence aren't inherently masculine. Just like submissiveness and uncertainty aren't inherently feminine. We all have those qualities, and we can express them however.