I'm wondering if you are caring more about the definition of a "slut" and whether you fit into that definition, than considering more what YOU want without labels.

From reading your articles, I do get a strong sense that you really want emotional intimacy and security along with your sexual pleasure. That is NORMAL and it's not something you should feel that you need to "train" yourself to not feel, or proof that you're "not trying hard enough". It's OK to find emotional intimacy, dare we even say love, essential to your partnered sex experience. I know it's essential to mine. As such I have had so so much less sex than I would otherwise want to have in my life, because I know that I want to have sex with someone that loves me, I know how to give myself pleasure, and unless partnered sex can give me what I want, I won't settle for less than what I know I need from it.

However we all make mistakes sometimes, going after things we think we want, regretting them later. For example, I fell for a woman last year who I thought cared for me, she was the first woman I'd ever had romantic feelings for and so I felt she was special, and she said she loved me, and so I did cyber sex with her. Now she's distant and ghosting, and on one level I regret being vulnerable with her, trusting her. On the other hand, I know I was honest with her, I took a risk, I had a beautiful experience and even if it didn't end up the way I wanted it doesn't mean I was in the wrong.

My therapist helped me a lot with this perspective. https://ladyreverie.medium.com/unconditional-self-love-958c707775cd

Not every time something goes wrong, it's a sign that YOU are wrong somehow and you should feel bad about yourself. I notice in almost every single article that you're so down on yourself. Like everything that doesn't turn out the way you envisaged, is a sign that you "failed" and that you're "bad at" whatever it was, and that it was "your fault" somehow, like this self hatred and frustration just seethes through. And if it's not "your fault" then it must be someone else's fault. When actually a lot of the time there's not necessarily any blame to be assigned. I sympathise because I used to be this way.

The STI article for example, you turned a perfectly normal, morally neutral event (having a yeast infection) into a plunge into self hatred, a karmic punishment for "doing the wrong thing" sexually somehow. When you didn't do anything wrong.

Now you're turning the fact that your casual sexual encounter didn't turn out exactly how you wanted, into a sign there's something fundamentally wrong with you and how you relate to people on some level. When it's not. You are genuinely seeking, and you have a loving heart, and things may go wrong and you may make mistakes, but that doesn't mean you're fundamentally wrong in your approach to life.