I'm so sorry that you had such a traumatic, violating first penetrative sexual experience. No wonder it traumatised you!

I also was a "late virgin", having penetrative sex for the first time at the age of 23 with someone who was my dear friend for many years beforehand. I too, waited because I wanted to be with someone who I trusted and who I knew would care about my wellbeing and pleasure. Fortunately for me, my first time and the subsequent times, were great. And "losing my virginity" hurt a small amount, but it quickly went away and I actually WANTED to have sex multiple times that day. So we did. So I'm glad I did it on those terms, and actually my partner did end up becoming my fiance. It wasn't because he was my first though, our love was a slow burn that took ages and multiple layers to unfold and become as strong as it is.

My issue with Andrea Dworkin is she implies that no one can ever enjoy having penetrative sex. That it's inherently sexist and a form of rape. It's not, if the person you're doing it with, cares about you, listens to your cues, and if you genuinely enjoy it. I, like you, can give myself multiple orgasms easily. Penetrative sex is a completely different kind of feeling, incredible in its own way. It's intimate. Because you do have someone's body actually inside yours. It can be horrible if you don't want it, but if you do want it, and it's done right, it can be the BEST feeling.

Also, men can definitely be penetrated. Not just gay men either. Straight men can enjoy pegging.