I'm really sorry that you've been experiencing that. I am sorry you're so isolated. I think finding friends (offline not just online) is crucial.

For online, I find that discord and reddit are pretty good for finding people fairly anonymously. There are a lot of online polyamory communities, I'm sure you'd find a lot of listeners there.

Also, private messaging apps like Messenger and Telegram and Whatsapp.

I wish the best for you Nicky, I really do. I'm sorry you've been having such a hard time. I hope things work out for you and that you find your people. <3