I was a feminist for many years (now identify more as a humanist) and you're right, I've seen an increasing conflict in messaging towards men. On the one hand "men need to speak up more and be vulnerable, that is how to dismantle toxic masculinity". On the other hand "men need to shut the fuck up and stop making everything about them and their problems".

I have turned away in recent years from feminism as a movement, not because I don't believe in gender equality but because I think the movement has started to alienate and really be hostile to men. It's not uncommon to hear even my gay male friend to say things like "men are trash, I hate men, this proves being gay isn't a choice because who would want to be with men by choice" and it makes me very sad.

Because honestly, all the people I love most in the world are men. My fiance, my aforementioned gay best friend, and my dad. All men who I believe represent the best of masculinity, in their different ways.

And honestly, when my fiance finally trusted me enough to be vulnerable and share his feelings, and he allowed ME to be his protector in that moment, it was a beautiful thing. Because men feel just as keenly and deeply as women, even if it's not expressed as much in tears as female emotions are. I love masculinity. It's beautiful in its difference from femininity. And I have let my male loved ones protect me, but also they trust me to protect them and validate them too. It's mutually vulnerable and empowering and how relationships between men and women should be. In romance, in platonic friendship, and in family.

So yeah, men are not trash. I love men, and masculinity. I find it more beautiful to me than femininity, because it's something unlike me, and thus wonderful. I think femininity is just as beautiful don't get me wrong though but just my emotions towards other women (and I do have many female friends, and even am attracted to women since I'm bisexual), it lacks that subtle mystery that characterises a relationship between a female and a male. At least to me.

I don't think femininity is inferior to masculinity, I revel in my own ultrafemininity, even while dominating at a male-majority corporate job, but yeah, I understand myself and other women, but I am deeply curious about the masculine perspective.

I think of it in archetypal terms sometimes. The Divine Masculine and the Divine Feminine, expressed in archetypes like Shiva and Shakti. Unique in themselves but when they combine, it creates magic. That's how it should be. Mutual empowerment and harmony. Not tearing down men to make women stronger.