I think you're right in many ways, the only thing I think could be added to this discussion is that I think when *some* (not all) people talk about "toxic positivity" they're referring to the kind of people who don't stop to listen and empathise with the people who are suffering, and who instead slap a "think positive" pat response out rather than anything meaningful to the person in pain. Because people in pain would LOVE to be able to just "turn off" their negative thoughts and the fact they can't see a way to do that, means that telling them "think positive" makes them feel shame and defensiveness for not already being able to do something like that.

I've been on both sides of the experience, and I think what really helped me was:

- first validating that it was understandable why I was having the negative feeling (thus allowing me to let go of shame, because if I was made to feel like I had no right to feel bad, it would trigger shame)

- once the pain is validated, observing it, and noticing its fleeting quality.

Kind of like Dune's "Litany against fear" except for pain.

"I will face my pain. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.

Where the pain has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain".

I think when a lot of people talk about "toxic positivity" they're not talking about empathic, spiritually aware people, they're talking about the "lalala I refuse to acknowledge your pain because I prefer to live in my happy little bubble where I can pretend nothing bad ever exists" kind of people. The superior people who smugly sneer at those in pain. The faux-enlightened.

Do you know what I mean?