I think you’re lumping everything you dislike about toxic relationship dynamics into “romantic love” as if that’s all that romantic love can ever be or ever is.

In my experience, I followed the mantra of “have friends who are boys before you have boyfriends” and guess what? I “fell in love” with my best male friend and am now engaged to him.

No it wasn’t love at first sight. I don’t believe that exists. But it was a development of feelings from friendship to attraction to love to soulmate transcendent kind of love. That’s what I consider healthy romantic love.