I think the problem is that you think that there are levels to spirituality. And that it's something you can "win at" and be "better than other people at". You think the point of spirituality is to escape the world. And that being spiritually evolved will help you love yourself more. Be OK with the fact you're female, and white.

But what if actually there was nothing to "win"? What if the point of spirituality was to realise that the present, the now, samsara - IS nirvana? That you can't run from where you are? You will always be exactly here, now. Where ever now is (it's always shifting).

Alan Watts talks about enlightenment as not transcending the world, but realising that you ARE the world, you are seamless with the present moment.

You're not alive to learn something SO THAT you can move to "the next level". You're alive to experience. That's all. That's everything. You don't have to run from it. It's freeing. It's beautiful. You are enough (and you always were, and always would be). You are everything. You are not just this life, or the lives you remember. You are ALL LIFE. You are existence itself.

Reincarnation happens as the constant refreshing and renewing and changing of existence and experience. It's not "for" anything. Is evolution of life "for" anything? Is the expansion of the universe "for" anything? No. It doesn't have to be "for" anything. It IS. And that is freedom.