I think the codependent label has been overused, but I think as a concept is has some merit, not as a disease, but as a word used to describe support behaviours that go too far and end up creating an unhealthy dynamic.

I realised recently that my relationship with my partner (who has severe mental illness) was on its way to becoming codependent if I wasn’t careful. Because I was making my life all about him, and about me trying to “save” him. My actions were good, but the mentality of wanting to be someone’s saviour and everything at the cost of your own independence and life, the internal pressure I was putting on myself (even though my partner didn’t ask or expect me to) was not healthy. So I’ve now started to take steps to become less codependent, even though I’ll still continue to love and support my partner.

A romantic relationship should be equal. Even if you have to be a caregiver for a while that dynamic isn’t healthy when sustained long term.