I think it's that the expectations and worry about coming is what inhibits women. One time I was having sex with my partner and he was trying to make me come, and I could sense him feeling stressed because he was worried if he didn't make me come I would judge him, and the fact he was feeling stressed made me feel stressed and under pressure to come because if I didn't I knew he would feel bad about himself. And I love him so I didn't want him to feel bad. So it was a cycle of both stressing about the other person feeling bad. This was the only time I've ever had bad sex with my partner, and it wasn't because either of us wasn't trying, it's that we were trying too hard, and thus becoming anxious.

Ironically all the articles talking about how women not coming during sex is All Men's Fault and They Are So Selfish and Bad Lovers and how Good Men Make Women Come First actually contribute to this problem.

Orgasm flees if you feel judged or stressed. And feeling judged or stressed during sex is anathema to pleasure. So talking about orgasm in a non judgemental way is key.