I think it makes sense to be a friend in marriage, and I definitely see my husband as my best friend, but there is meant to be a difference between normal friendship and romance, and for most people the difference is the physical touch/sexual aspect.

I don't think Dr PsychMom is wanting anyone to be a "sex servant" or to "perform in bed" to get something in return, she is saying that in relationships there is almost always shared responsibility for breakdowns in emotional closeness, and that while most therapists will point out the areas that men don't hold up their end emotionally outside of the bedroom, they don't usually also make the case that the man's desires matter too, just as much.

Like ideally, in the marriage, both of your desires matter to the same extent right? Cause you're life partners?

But many women seem to only see the areas where their own desires aren't being met (which is valid, their desires do matter) but they are going to dismiss all the desires their husband has in the area of physical touch and sex because "it's just sex". And that's not treating people's desires as equal then.