I really hope things work out. <3

Being the person with the higher libido is really difficult, even when the other person isn't sexless, just less sexual than you.

I can't help wondering like - what's her love language? Maybe hers is words of affirmation while yours is physical touch? Are there ways that she can give you physical affection without it being necessarily sexual? Like naked cuddling, caressing etc?

The other thing I wonder is what sex means to her. Cause I know that while I'm often hypersexual (albeit demisexual), even if I wasn't particularly aroused I would still enjoy making my partner feel good, because I love him and making him happy makes me feel happy too. So... why doesn't your wife want to do that for you? Even if she's not as aroused?

I'm not saying she should ever be pressured into sex, but I do wonder why it's not important to her to make an effort to express affection in a way that's clearly so important to you.

The other little red flag I saw was when you said "she fights dirty". Disagreements in a relationship shouldn't devolve into "dirty fighting" and I hope that this gets addressed via the counselling as well. Because you deserve to not feel as constantly upset and rejected over expressing your needs.