I feel this way too. Which makes me think I won’t have kids. Because as with marriage, having kids should be something you 100% want, not “sort of want”.

And it’s not because I haven’t found the right partner. I am madly in love with my partner (now fiance) of 3 years. However, just because I like the idea of “seeing him as a father” and we fantasise about how nice it would be to pass on all of the best parts of our childhoods, that’s not enough to counter the possible negatives. Right now, at least. It may change in the future. But I don’t think so.

These negatives include:

• I have a connective tissue disorder that is fairly mild. But my partner has Marfan syndrome. Our kids therefore would be at risk for severe connective tissue disorders potentially worse than our conditions combined and I wouldn’t want to inflict that suffering on a child.
• My partner has schizophrenia and that also has a genetic component.
• I am genetically predisposed to preeclampsia and prolapse meaning pregnancy would be potentially very dangerous to me, or at least leave me with permanent injury.
• There are so many things I want to do first in life, including achieve career success, travel, create various artistic works, rescue animals etc
• I don’t want my relationship to suffer, and I have heard so many stories of people whose marriages decline after kids
• Kids are expensive and even though I make a fair amount of money, I want to spend it on other things like save for a sustainable off the grid home.
• My partner and I would be happy with pets for the foreseeable future
• The state of the world (especially climate change) makes me fear for the next generation.

All these factors combine to make me feel if not ambivalent about kids, falling towards the “I don’t want kids” side of the equation.

Fortunately my partner and I share the same feelings about this. It may change. But so far, probably not.