I don't know if I would call it relationship anarchy exactly... as far as I'm aware relationship anarchy rejects all forms of hierarchy in relationships? While our relationship is designed to be uncontrolling and open to the way people can change and grow and shift in their desires over time - at the same time, we do make choices to prioritize each other over others when it comes to life choices. I moved from Australia to America because of my partner. I thus chose a life choice that would take me away from my best friends and make me less able to meet up with them (physically) whenever we want, although I do visit them for weeks every year and I also meet virtually at least once a week.

I did that, not because "my romantic partner must Always Come First because of amatonormativity" but because I want to make a life with my partner, and right now due to circumstances he cannot come to Australia (otherwise that would have been both our preferences). So it's a hierarchy where my choice for my life partner superseded my friends and I feel like relationship anarchy wouldn't have wanted that? (Maybe I'm wrong though, I'm by no means an expert on that).

Also, I believe in relationship anarchy they don't want you to "rank" people by how much you love them. But I must say I can't help doing that. I love all my friends, but there is one specific friend that I've gotten matching tattoos with that say "eternal friend" and who I am committed to being friends with for life, and it's like "queerplatonic" friendship with him. It's not that I don't love my other friends, or am not committed to my friendships with them, because I am. But this particular friend - there's something extra special about how we feel for each other. While I know the friendship might end one day, we're committed to being lifelong friends the way I'm committed to my husband to be lifelong partners. It's not to try and "chain" the other person, but more a promise I make to both of them, that I will do everything in my power to love them and be there for them regardless of whatever changes life will take us all on.

I feel relationship anarchy wouldn't approve. But for me, it's less about "you are my husband and therefore I own you" or "you are my best friend and therefore you owe me" because I know I can't control them (or anyone). But I can control my OWN actions and my OWN commitments to them. And sometimes a commitment is actually life enhancing.