I don't feel like it was gaslighting, but at the same time you're entitled to write about what you want.

For me, I have been coercively controlled by a parent (my mother) so I do think discussion about domestic abuse is about "people abusing people" rather than specifically men abusing women even if there is a discrepancy between statistics in male vs female perpetrators of violence.

But at the same time talking about specifically male violence is valid. One can talk about their own experience of male abuse and specifics of an issue without invalidating the fact that women abuse too, and that people of all genders are victims. .

As such I agree with the person who sent you the email and I think they were acting in good faith.