I disagree.

So my now-fiance started out as my friend. And when he initially told me his feelings, years ago, I told him “I’m flattered but I like you as a friend”. And guess what, we stayed friends. And several years later I had feelings for him, and I asked him if he still felt the same and he did. And now we’re together. 8+ years — 5 years friendship, 3.5 years in a relationship.

But then he is 1. Polyamorous (or was at the time) and 2. I’m demisexual. So maybe that changes things.

I don’t think my fiance was “in love” with me when he first told me of his feelings. He found me attractive, and had a crush on me. So he could just acknowledge that crush but stay my friend. Because he valued me as a person not just a romantic partner.

And if he hadn’t done that, I would never have eventually fallen in love with him.