Honestly I feel like your parents were awful to you about this virginity thing. And regardless of them "picking and choosing their battles" to show your adopted sister she was loved, that behaviour, putting you on house arrest and having you publicly condemned by your church, that could ABSOLUTELY cause a kid to feel unloved.

You know why? Because something like this happened to me. My mother, when I was 21, believed I had lost my virginity, and she ended up giving me the silent treatment, telling my family awful lies about me and refusing to believe that I hadn't actually had sex. (Even though at that age having sex would be perfectly normal and fine so long as it was consensual).

So when you say things like "led them to believe you lost your virginity" this makes me think that 1. You actually hadn't and your family refused to believe you were telling the truth 2. They believed the best way to treat a teenager having sex was to deprive her of all freedom, and to have her community condemn her.

Sorry but that's emotional abuse and just because your parents were great to your adoptive sister, doesn't mean how they treated you was OK. And I think you've been gaslit into thinking that having any negative emotional feelings about that way they treated you over this particular issue, is "selfish and ignorant".

You can think your parents did their best, thought they did the right thing, that they loved you while still being unfair to you.