Honestly, I feel like this whole culture of blaming men for the orgasm gap is misguided. No one OWES you an orgasm. It's something you need to learn how to give yourself, and something you need to learn what feels best during partnered sex and then communicate it to your partner. I think the feeling of "omg am I letting the sisterhood down, am I going to orgasm or not, fuck I'm really anxious now and in my head, what's wrong with me why can't I just orgasm" is what's stopping a lot of women from orgasm.
Likewise the feeling that these kind of articles instill in men is that they're a terrible person if they don't give their female partners an orgasm. Guess what that does? It makes them anxious, and that is very easily picked up on by the female partner - that her man is desperate to give her an orgasm so he won't feel guilty for being a selfish lover. That then makes HER feel like she needs to have an orgasm so that he will feel better. It creates awkwardness and uncomfortableness.
The only truly awful time I had during sex with my soulmate was due to this exact thing, while we had had amazing sex where I literally screamed with pleasure, it wasn't exactly an *orgasm* the way I recognised them from masturbation. It was amazing though, don't get me wrong. It was also in a different part of the body than the clitoris, more deep in the womb. However when I told my partner that I hadn't come, he felt TERRIBLE and like he'd failed me, and we had an excruciatingly awkward session the next time where he was trying to time himself with a watch to ensure he didn't come too fast, but of course I could tell he was in his head and feeling guilty, which led to ME feeling bad, until I had to just tell him that I was feeling so emotionally bad about how awkward the sex had become, and we had to talk through everything this experience raised in our psyches.
This attitude in society that "It's your responsibility to choose a man who will take the time and effort and passion to make you orgasm" implies that if you DON'T have an orgasm during mutually ecstatic sex, the man must be an awful terrible unkind selfish lover who is trash and you should dump. Not helpful.
