Great article Devon.

I think part of the reason why allies care so much about "the right language" to use, is that when you are online, and most of your discussions happen online, the thing that people tend to care about online is your words, rather than anything you do outside of the online space.

So if you have been on the receiving end of a vitriolic attack for using the term "afab" incorrectly, or you've seen a viral meme from a Facebook page like Everyday Feminism, Lizzy the Lezzy or PinkNews telling everyone to list their pronouns in their bio, it can start to feel that the most important thing to do online, is to make sure you use the right words. Because if you don't, people will think you're bad.

After all, are your FB or Twitter followers going to even know what you do in real life to help trans people? Of course not. And they won't even care. You can still be attacked for the wrong words no matter how good of an ally you are in real life.

For an example of this, see the whole "cancelling" drama that happened to Contrapoints in 2019, despite her influence being hugely positive to many people in real life.

Anyway I don't disagree with your points, I think that the whole "caring about optics more than meaningful change" is an issue that is exacerbated by people's increasingly online personas, and that's why I don't use social media as much anymore.