Geez. I agree that it shouldn’t be treated as a chore. But I disagree with the overall “give me an orgasm or you’re not a real man” *ahem* thrust of this article.

Sex shouldn’t be done with the idea that there “has” to be an orgasm and if there isn’t one then it’s a failure. For both parties. Just as a woman shouldn’t feel obligated to give head until the man comes, a man shouldn’t feel obligated to do it until the woman comes.

Sex is about empathy and mutual pleasure giving. I genuinely enjoy giving oral sex. But if I had to do it for 30 minutes, I would stop enjoying myself. Jaw and neck cramp etc. Does that make me a “bad lover”? A girl not a woman? I don’t think so.

Likewise, I want my partner to enjoy giving me oral sex, to want to worship me there with his mouth, and give me pleasure that way. However the expectation that you need to GIVE someone an orgasm basically means that the partner also feels an equal pressure to cum, because if they don’t it means you did a bad job pleasing them.

And the best way to not have an orgasm? Stress about it.

One time I could just tell my partner was feeling stressed while giving me head because he was worried about not making me cum. Which then made me anxious too. And I didn’t cum. And we both felt bad.

That’s no way to have sex.

Oral sex, as with all sex, is meant to be innately pleasurable. The process not just the climax.

So no matter your gender, if you have sex with a generosity of spirit, empathy for your partner, willingness to listen and learn what gives them pleasure, and an ability to be in the moment and enjoy what you’re doing, I think you’re doing it right.

And you’re more likely to orgasm than if you’re filled with insecurity about whether you’re measuring up to some kind of arbitrary standard.