Does it have to be this way though? Can't an equal relationship include lots of mutual appreciation? I try to have this with my relationship, where I am currently the breadwinner, and my partner expresses appreciation for me on a CONSTANT basis. And I appreciate him right back for his emotional support and for being my safe place, to let go and not have to be ultra strong around.

We use archetypes of divinity, we see each other's inner selves as god and goddess, worshipping each other. So it's still equal, but we can take turns being the worshipper or the worshipped. :)

But I must say while I don't like identifying as a "sub" because I think it's a limiting label for me, I do like more often than not, to be the one that gets to relax, be held, not have to be in control, during sex with my partner. It's because I'm so in control in other aspects of life and it's exhausting.