Dear Phoenix <3 I think you're doing all the right things to promote health and wellbeing for yourself and your future.

The only thing I would recommend to help get out of the "why aren't I happier, curse my ungrateful mind" cycle (cause I've been there) is to practice acceptance of your flaws.

Practice being ok with not being ok, with being irrational sometimes, with "wallowing", with not being as far progressed as you hoped you would be by now etc.

It's OK. We're all just funny animals with existential crises. :)

If you can get to being ok with not being ok sometimes, that takes the pressure to always be positive off. Takes away the shame. And ironically you will find that the shame and pressure was what was keeping those feelings going.

Let's chat soon.