Ah Devon, so much of your story resonates with me, because this is almost exactly how my eating disorder warped and twisted over time. And for a long time I thought I was recovered but instead I was eating within a "range" of calories that I would allow myself, and I wasn't actually recovered.

I finally got therapy for it in 2020 as I could feel myself starting to fully relapse, and didn't want to go back to where I had been.

The things that helped me the most were:

- an app called Recovery Record that taught me how to mindfully eat, recognise my triggers and also my hunger and fulness cues

- therapy for being "overcontrolled"

- an LSD-mediated mystical experience that made me realise that I was not my ego and that believing I was the ego was what was driving my ED

I wrote about the whole journey in my series "How I Recovered from my Eating Disorder".